Archive | November, 2013

Everyone’s a critic

9 Nov

You don’t like my poems
Well I don’t like your face
You say that I can’t rhyme
I say you’ve got no taste

You think my words don’t pack
An emotional punch
I think I should have put
Stronger poison in your lunch

You think my grasp of meter
Leaves much to be desired
I wish I paid you to say that
Because then I’d say ‘You’re fired!’

You say don’t quit the day job
Poetry isn’t for you
But what you don’t seem to realise
It’s my favourite thing to do

You’ve told me what you think
Of my poems all my life
One day I hope you like one
And I will make you my wife.


Internal monologue while delivering presentation to bored audience

6 Nov

Look at them, their drooping eyes
Sagging shoulders, yawning sighs
Fidgety, some shift in place
While others just stare into space.

I crack a joke, there’s not a smile
I’d break into song, but it’s not my style
I change the pitch unpredictably
But there’s no change the crowd’s ennui.

Finally I conclude my piece
With the punchy end ruined by a sneeze
There’s an awkward silence, a pregnant pause
Followed by ‘glad it’s over’ applause.

(Optional final verse)
And I’m tempted to start over again
As a punishment, give them a refrain
My enthusiasm has died away
Blah blah-blah blah blah…