Unfinished Business – day 30 of NaPoWriMo

8 May

Detective John Bono was a little bit green
He flunked out of college with a bogus degree
The one thing he passed: Crime 101
Was enough to earn him a badge and a gun

Our young detective was first on the scene
There he was met by the maid Celestine
She had a fine reputation as a French domestic
And possessed other skills stereotypically gallic

The maid led the gumshoe to the body
Lying in a pool of blood in the lobby
When he saw the victim he started to panic
If the butler’d been done in the butler didn’t done it!

Bono was flustered by this revelation
Which flew in the face of his education
He put in a call to the forensics cops
But too late! Celestine had cleaned it all up!

The rookie went walking to clear his head
Suddenly – a scream! Another was dead!
The lord of the manor with a knife in his back
Lay testament to a fatal attack

Our detective was joined by his superiors
They looked at the victim with ‘oohs’ and ‘errs’
They couldn’t figure who’d turned up his toes
So they decided to give up and call the case closed.

Before leaving the house, Bono went up the stairs
To take care of pressing urinary affairs
Outside a door he heard a commotion
And entered to find there, locked in devotion…

Celestine and the butler – both red in the face
Discovered in their compromising embrace
Bono spotted the handy handcuffs
Snapping them on the butler before he got tough

Detective John Bono was the toast of the town
For sending the death-faking criminals down
The gumshoe’s dumb luck had allowed him to smash
Their plan to rob the Lord of life then his cash

I need to credit skat (though she might not want the credit having read it) as the idea behind this poem was her brain-child. I couldn’t let it go and I’m delighted to have completed another napowrimo, even though the quality has (once again) been decidedly suspect!

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6 Responses to “Unfinished Business – day 30 of NaPoWriMo”

  1. skat May 8, 2015 at 7:24 pm #

    I’ve been waiting for this!
    Best line by far: “To take care of pressing urinary affairs”! (All too familiar with those myself.) Now you need to write the mystery series in book form – you’ve got it in you, I think! I anticipate watching the BBC series on our PBS Channel in a few years. Just think of “Midsomer Murders” – What’s that on, the 12 th season or something?
    Thanks for the credit, by the way. I just planted the seeds and you cultivated them. Great fun!
    (Love Celestine’s stereotypically Gallic skills too. That’s a mouthful, isn’t it?)

    • BRH May 8, 2015 at 7:27 pm #

      Thanks! It was written with deliberate assonance and a requirement for linguistic dexterity.

  2. skat May 8, 2015 at 7:31 pm #

    It wasn’t, but now that you mention it! (Can I retract my statement?)

    • BRH May 8, 2015 at 7:33 pm #

      It’s ok – I’ve removed my reply that calls it to attention! Nothing to see here!

      • skat May 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm #

        Oh, I didn’t mean for you to do that; I was just kidding!

  3. loricarlson66 May 8, 2015 at 8:11 pm #

    great narrative! I am always amazed at people who can write these so well as you’ve done here! Funny topic too!

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