Bottle

20 May

Inspired by the ever-inspiring Crow

The bottle sat sealed
A passer-by in full flow glanced
Then comically reversed
To look askance

The bottle sat sealed
The passer-by surveyed to see
If others had observed his
Erstwhile trophy

The bottle sat sealed
The passer-by grew wide to hide
The prize from rival passing eyes
With jealous pride

No bottle sat sealed
The passer-by in full flow fled
Encumbered by suspicious bulge
He later was found dead.

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12 Responses to “Bottle”

  1. Crow May 20, 2016 at 3:45 pm #

    Seems like he should have left it where it was.

  2. BRH May 20, 2016 at 5:18 pm #

    Yeah I don’t like the last line – it feels gratuitous but I was in a hurry.

  3. paula graham May 20, 2016 at 7:18 pm #

    Violent ending to this tale of envy…amazing, I do not know how this can bubble up inside you, miraculous.

    • BRH May 20, 2016 at 7:56 pm #

      Thanks Paula! That’s how I feel about your photography!

  4. Karina Pinella May 21, 2016 at 2:37 pm #

    Your being in a hurry to get your ending made the ending of this more interesting, as it gave it the twist that perhaps one didn’t really expect. Therefore, it is an ending that turned out to be appropriate. What would have been the alternate, you think? That the bottle remained sealed, placed on a pedestal and forever coveted?

    • BRH May 24, 2016 at 7:50 am #

      Thanks! The alternative would have been a bit more of an open ending with no real answers about what was in the bottle or why it was there in the first place.

      • Karina Pinella May 24, 2016 at 12:45 pm #

        So then you would have a sequel–Bottle Whatle, or something to that strange effect.

  5. Crow May 26, 2016 at 3:38 am #

    OR… he wakes up in a cylindrical glass room with a giant eye peering in at him.

    • BRH May 26, 2016 at 5:14 pm #

      Ooooohhhhh – that’s good. Wish I’d thought of that!!

      • Crow May 26, 2016 at 6:32 pm #

        It’s all that Twilight Zone I used to watch.

  6. dragonscaleclippings June 21, 2016 at 12:24 pm #

    oh this is brilliant! hooked by the repetition and rhyming! loved the end!

    • BRH June 24, 2016 at 5:33 pm #

      Thanks Freya!

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