Tag Archives: napowrimo 2014

Me and a computer

30 Apr

A weak one to finish napowrimo…

Soon a sole computer’s power
Will be equivalent
To the total brains of me and you
And everyone who ever went

Now this could be quite daunting
But I take some solace
In a little fact in my favour
That a computer can’t replace

A computer knows all I know
But it cannot comprehend
The things I know I don’t know
That’s the difference, my friend

Their memory doesn’t degrade
Just as mine and yours will do
Theirs doesn’t have the benefit
Of hindsight’s rosy view

To summarise this thesis
Accidentally in rhyme
The problems with computers
Is they’re perfect all the thyme



30 Apr

Goodbye coffee
I knew you well
You tickled olfactory
With golden roast smell
But now I must leave you
My doctor insists
Ever since he sampled
My orange-brown piss

Goodbye cake
You filled my heart
Literally and figuratively
So now we must part
It will not be easy
But my surgeon said so
When he cut through my sternum
To find carnage below

Goodbye wine
You dulled all my pain
And stopped those voices
That were inside my brain
My probation officer
Told me I must not fail
Or the judge will just throw me
Straight back in jail

Goodbye life
It’s been a blast
I’ve lived hard and hearty
And so very fast
I’ll think of you fondly
But now I must leave
Because this bony fellow
Won’t give a reprieve.

Dodgy Career Choices

30 Apr

There’s a tune to go with this but I can’t write music so I can’t set it down. Trust me – it’s catchy!

I’m going to join the army, I’m going to join the war
I’m going to get a gun and give the other side what for
I don’t know who we’re fighting or what we’re fighting for
But I’m going to join the army and I’m going to join the war.

I’m going to be a banker, I’m going to make some cash
I’m going to get some business cards and drive around all flash
I’m not too good with numbers, but I’ll give it a bash
‘Cos I’m going to be a banker and I’m going to make some cash.

I’m going to be in movies, I’m going to be a star
I’m going to see my name in lights and have hookers in my car
I dance like Kevin Bacon, so I think I will go far
So I’m going to be in movies, I’m going to be a star

Animal traffic

26 Apr

I struggled for ideas today so here’s a little ditty inspired by that most mundane of things, a traffic bulletin…

“Animals on the motorway are causing congestion”
Said the news today, which led people to question
What kind of animals? Some lions? A bear?
And what were the animals doing on there?
Was an elephant running for charity?
Was tarmac being painted by a manatee?
Had a rhinoceros gone and shed its load?
Had porcupines got stuck in the road?
The news didn’t say, so nobody knows
But you could always ask the armadillos!

For napowrimo day 26


25 Apr

Tick and tock take turns
Time marches but not for me
Stuck at 2pm

The napowrimo prompt for day 24 has left me a bit cold (like brick and stone), so this is something else.

She shanty

23 Apr

One of my favourite prompts from napowrimo 2013 was to write a sea shanty so I’ve done another – with a little twist!

My daddy was a sailor
He sailed on every sea
In every port he had a wife
And one of them had me.

I vowed to be like daddy
In the first words that I spoke
But they said I was a girly
And should stay with girly folk.

A life at sea was made for she
Stick your kitchen up your arse
I’d rather be up a crows nest
On this ship under the stars

But I was made of salty stuff
So off to sea I went
The men that looked at me askance
To Davy Jones were sent.

The women that I met
In galleys and ashore
I handed a sword and swore aboard
And we gave the men what for.

A life at sea was made for she
Stick your kitchen up your arse
I’d rather be up a crows nest
On this ship under the stars

One day I’ll meet my daddy
Leagues across the sea
We’ll laugh and sing and drink our rum
There’s no other life for me.

*Faster now*
A life at sea was made for she
Stick your kitchen up your arse
I’d rather be up a crows nest
On this ship under the stars

Advice from a modern mother to her traditionally-named daughters

23 Apr

Don’t do it Marjorie!
Don’t do it girl
Your heart’s all a-flutter
Your head’s in a whirl
Don’t throw it all away
Don’t be a silly
Don’t run away with him
Stay with me

Don’t do it Winifred!
Don’t go so fast
You’ll enjoy it more
If you make it last
What’s all the hurry?
It’s not a race
You’ll be quicker to regret it
If you don’t slow the pace

Don’t do it Bernadette
Don’t worry so
All your anxiety
You need to let go
You won’t get anywhere
Gnashing your teeth
Chill out or you will end up
6 feet beneath

For day 23 of napowrimo. Not following the prompt this time – not even looked at it!